Fertility & IVF · Episode 11

Frozen eggs, IVF and motherhood at 45: Mara's story

Mara froze her eggs at 37 and became a mother at 45 in Lisbon: a pregnancy after 45, a chosen caesarean, and a postpartum no one prepared her for.

Born to be Wild · 2026-09-28

Listen to the episode

Mara grew up in Puerto Rico, lived for years in New York, and now lives in Lisbon with her husband, their dog and their baby boy. At 30, motherhood wasn't on her radar "in a million years".

On episode 11 of the Born to be Wild podcast, she told Aviva Markowicz and Irene Jaspers about freezing her eggs, becoming a mother at 45, and the postpartum she never saw coming.

Raised to be independent

Mara comes from a Latin family where family matters deeply. Yet the message was always the same: travel, study, be independent, make your own money, choose the right partner. Motherhood was never mentioned as an option.

Looking back, she sees what was missing: independence was valued, but not interdependence. "We're not meant to do life alone."

Egg freezing at 37: the gift she didn't want

At 37, in New York, her partner at the time suggested she freeze her eggs and offered to pay for it. Mara heard the unspoken message: he didn't plan to have children with her. He never came to a single appointment, and she went through the procedure alone. The day after the retrieval, she discovered he had been unfaithful.

It took her a year to heal. Of the 17 eggs retrieved, only 6 were viable, which she attributes to how stressed she was at the time.

"In the moment it was the worst gift. In hindsight, it was the best gift I could have had."

Choosing the right partner, and having the difficult conversation

Mara worked on herself for a year, asking who do I need to become? At 39, at a retreat in Barcelona, she met Sebastian. He knew right away. She followed a friend's simple advice: say yes, and if you don't like it, take a plane home. She then came to visit him in Lisbon, the pandemic hit, and she stayed.

When he proposed, he didn't want children. Mara didn't know if she did either, but she wanted the option, and she was ready to walk away. He agreed to consider it. They went through hard times, and both committed to growing. At 44, after a sabbatical year travelling the world, they were both ready: they wanted a family.

Thanks to her frozen eggs, Mara never felt rushed to start one.

IVF in New York, pregnancy in Lisbon

Because she had only six eggs, Mara didn't want to risk losing any in transport or thawing at a different clinic. So she and Sebastian moved to New York for two months to do IVF at the clinic that had frozen them. Her family came to support her. The first round worked.

Back in Lisbon, she found a doctor willing to continue the weekly follow-up her IVF clinic required in the first trimester. It was nerve-racking and reassuring at once.

Pregnant at 45: "a normal pregnancy"

Mara feared two things: other people's judgement, and doctors' warnings. She protected her mental health by keeping the pregnancy private, sharing it only with close friends and family.

She met three obstetricians in Lisbon before choosing. When she brought up her "geriatric pregnancy", all three laughed kindly: she was healthy, the baby was healthy, and they would simply follow how things went.

Two birth plans, and a caesarean she chose

Mara found a doula and prepared two birth plans, one for a vaginal birth and one for a caesarean. She wasn't attached to either. Her goal was a healthy baby.

At 38 and a half weeks, her amniotic fluid was decreasing and her doctor recommended ending the pregnancy. She explained how an induction would work. Mara's body showed no signs of being ready. It was Mara who asked about a caesarean, and her doctor explained both options without pushing.

In her caesarean birth plan, Mara asked for:

everything to be explained, in English;
the screen to be lowered when the baby came out;
her baby on her chest as soon as possible.

She was told that in the sterile field, the paediatrician checks the baby first. Her doctor talked to the paediatrician, and the team gave her baby to her within moments. The whole surgery took 15 minutes.

"I went from no baby to a baby in fifteen minutes. My body, my mind and my spirit needed time to catch up."

Breastfeeding: book help before the birth

A tip from Aviva's birth plan workshop made all the difference: arrange a lactation consultant before the birth. Mara's, Mónica Pinho, came to her home beforehand to show her how to collect colostrum, and visited her at the hospital within 24 hours of the birth, even though it was New Year's Eve.

At the hospital, each nurse gave different breastfeeding advice. Her baby was losing weight and the pressure was rising. Hands-on help from someone she trusted got them through.

Looking for breastfeeding support? Browse the lactation consultants in our directory.

The postpartum nobody prepared her for

"I paid zero attention to what happens once the baby is in your arms. What a mistake."

Mara had prepared the birth, the gadgets and the nursery. She expected her baby to feed, be swaddled and sleep in his crib. Instead, he only slept on her. For 14 days, she slept about an hour a night, going back and forth between the bed, the rocking chair and the changing table, after a caesarean.

What she wishes she'd known: newborns regulate through their mother, so they want to be close. Today she would set up night-time care around her bed, with a bassinet right next to it and feeds and changes done without getting up. If you're considering sharing a bed with your baby, learn safe sleep practices beforehand and discuss them with your paediatrician (The Lullaby Trust).

The gifts of becoming a mother later

For Mara, becoming a mother at 45 came with real advantages:

No FOMO. She has travelled, built a career and proven herself.
Financial stability, which allowed her to choose to stay at home.
A relationship built on difficult conversations, including a written agreement about finances when she stopped working, so that she feels safe.

"Have the difficult conversations, choose the right partner, make the right decisions for your body and your finances, and ask for help. If I can have it, you can have it."

Frequently asked questions

Can I use eggs frozen abroad for IVF in Portugal? Frozen eggs can be shipped between clinics, but each step, transport and thawing, carries some risk of loss. With few eggs, Mara chose to do IVF at the clinic that froze them. Discuss survival and success rates with both clinics before deciding.

Is a pregnancy after 45 automatically high risk? Age over 40 is associated with a higher risk of some complications, including stillbirth late in pregnancy, which is why closer monitoring is often offered (RCOG, 2013). But age alone doesn't define your pregnancy: Mara's doctors followed her as a normal pregnancy while monitoring her closely.

What can I ask for during a planned caesarean? You can ask for explanations throughout, for the screen to be lowered at birth, for skin-to-skin as soon as possible (NICE, 2021), and for your partner to stay with you (Lei n.º 15/2014). Write it in your birth plan and discuss it in advance.

Sources

What our guests share comes from their own experience and practice. The medical and legal information in this article is based on the sources below. It doesn't replace advice from your care team.

Listen to the full episode

This article is based on episode 11 of Born to be Wild, the podcast: Mara Liz, frozen eggs, an Uber discovery, and motherhood at 45. Listen on Spotify.